Dear Jo

Dear Jo,
It’s come to be that time of year. I can’t stop thinking about how I wish you were here and about to be entering our lives. How I long to be uncomfortable, in pain, terrified at the thought of raising you, and hearing you cry as you take your first gasping breaths of air on this earth. The doctors told me you would be here on June 30th, but that was not the case. Sweet Jo, we hoped that God would bless us with your presence now but he had other plans. I can’t tell you how much I miss you.

I was thinking the other day about how your father and I used to take walks at night, even though it was cold, when you were with us because we wanted to keep you and me healthy. I was thinking about how it was so easy to give up caffeine and wine and all those other treats that could harm a tiny babe like you. I was thinking about how much fullness you brought into our lives. Jo, you were treasured.

We did not know that you were coming and we certainly did not know that you would be leaving us so soon after we learned about you. Darling Jo, you were loved. Precious Jo, you are loved.

Dearest Jo, I want you to know that on this day, the day that you were “due,” we are still thinking about and eagerly waiting to meet you. Jo, we are thankful. We are thankful for you and the way that you changed our lives forever. You taught us about love, contentment, compassion, mercy, grief, suffering, hope, and so many other things. Thank you, Jo.

I am thankful for you. I am thankful for the moments when I smiled sitting in class knowing that a little baby bean was also listening to that boring lecture. I am thankful for the complete fun it was surprising our friends and family with the news. I am so thankful that you opened my eyes to the experience of motherhood and the pain of those that have lost their own. I am thankful that God has used you to shape my life and to redirect my selfish heart.

Jo, until the day that I meet you, I will always miss you. I will always wonder why you were not destined long for this earth. I will still wish that there was another way for God to have refined and sanctified me. But Jo, I wouldn’t give up the eight weeks I had with you for anything. You were completely and utterly cherished.

I love you, little one. Rest well in the arms of our Savior until I can hold you.

Love,
Mom

A Mother’s Day

Jacob snapped this shot of me yesterday. I didn't think about it then but pearls would have been Jo's birthstone. Quite fitting, I think.

I am thankful to say that today is May 9, 2011, the spring semester of courses at UNL is over, I am employed for the summer and taking courses, and God is blessing me more and more every day. I was reminded last night at church that I need to be thankful that I am not in hell right now! Jesus lives, he is good, and his grace is sufficient for me.

With those positive things in mind, I can also say that yesterday was a tough day for me. On the fun side of things, Jacob and I celebrated our mothers with everyone together at a wonderful feast. Cards were opened, gifts were unwrapped, hugs were given, and pie was consumed. I am so thankful for the women who raised Jacob and me. We would certainly not be the people we are today and would probably not be together if it weren’t for the upbringing we had. They are fine examples of godly women and mothers. I hope to become more like them as I continue to mature into a woman of Christ.

Yesterday was unfortunately also a day of sorrow for Jacob and me. We lost a pregnancy in late November, which would have put me a little over 7 months pregnant today. This was a very awkward Mother’s Day on a personal level. It is hard not to dwell on where I could have been and what I could have had if God’s plans were different. I am a mother and have a child who I will know for eternity, but I have no child yet here on earth to celebrate with, nurture, and love. I actually was fairly composed most of the day until we got to church. Our pastor prayed at the beginning of the service for the women of the church. He prayed for those who are mothers, those who are mothers but have lost their children, and those who are longing to be mothers. I cannot tell you how much I appreciated that prayer. I wanted so much yesterday to honor and show respect to my mothers and those in our church and at the same time was hoping for a small acknowledgment of those women who do have children though they are not alive and those who desperately want children. I feel blessed to be upheld by a body of believers who not only prayed for such women but also spoke with me and sent me personal messages yesterday acknowledging the life that we lost. Such notes and words are so encouraging and cherished. I hope that I will have other children to celebrate and praise God for in the future Mothers Days.

I know having grief and sadness on a holiday is not something that only I have experienced. Yesterday I was reminded of the other women I know who have lost children and the children I know who have lost mothers. Holidays can be excruciating when the familial puzzle pieces are not in place. No amount of flowers or condolences will bring back the loved one that was lost, but, there are a few things that can help the grief and emotional well-being of the hurting person.

1. Prayer. Please pray for those who you know have heartache on a holiday (or any day). Pray that they would feel loved by God and others, that they would not feel alone, and that they would be able to celebrate the life that was given and taken.

2. Write/Speak. Write/Speak words of love to those who you know may be hurting. Sonnets are not required. Simple phrases like, “I know this day may be hard for you,” or “We’ve been praying for you and hope you feel loved today,” can do wonders for the heavy heart.

3. Show Sensitivity. This is wrapped up in numbers 1 and 2, but please consider that those who are hurting for a particular reason on any given holiday may need your understanding and compassion. They may need to avoid certain subjects in conversation that would normally come up. Just consider putting yourself in your friend’s situation and think about what words you would or would not want to hear.

I am confident that God is active in my situation and in others’ suffering. Why? The bible tells me so.

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).

“12Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. 14Do all things without grumbling or questioning, 15that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain” (Philippians 2:12-16).

Challenged

Today I am feeling challenged in a number of ways. I have a day off of classes so you’d think I was using this precious time to work ahead for the next week, which I plan to to do, but I am taking some time to reflect.

This morning I’ve spent quite a bit of time reading about the experiences of Molly Piper. She has a popular blog where she writes about her family and a lot about grief and faith. Her family experienced the loss of a daughter when she was stillborn in 2007. I’ve been reading her posts and have been reminded how much of a process it is to mourn the loss of a baby and how we all react differently and yet the same in so many ways. Reading about her words of advice for how to help a friend grieve has challenged me to continue sharing about the issue for myself and for others around me who are and have been in the midst of pregnancy/infant loss and infertility.

So much of this is hard to say in person because of awkwardness in the timing. (Ever notice how the truth can be horribly uncomfortable? I see this in my life with my sin all the time but also with my truest feelings that are sometimes not happy and full of joy.) It never seems like it’s the right time to be sad and cry and tell you every time I see you that I’m good and getting better, but still mourning for our lost baby and thinking about him/her on an hourly if not by-the-minute basis. I don’t really want to tell you in person that it’s hard for me to focus on anything else and anyone else. I especially don’t want to tell you how hard it is to fully rejoice alongside the wonderful and beautiful women who are right now experiencing healthy and happy pregnancies. I pray for the safety and health of the pregnant women I know and their babies every day. I don’t say that to sound boastful, I just want those of you who are pregnant to know that I really am happy and excited for you and I wish you and your families the best. I just don’t know how to say that all in person and maintain some form of composure.

Grief really is quite awkward, among other things. The difficult experience is still poignant and in the front of your mind while the lives of those around you press on. I feel awkward and uncomfortable admitting that I’m still mourning and missing Jo and will be to some degree for the rest of my life. There’s great tension in wanting to move on in life with “the rest of you”, to be a “good” Christian and get back to complete and utter joyfulness in Christ (which is a great thing–don’t get me wrong), but often you still feel stuck in your painful experience.

If you have a friend who is grieving right now and has experienced a loss whether recent or in the past, know that they never forget that loss. Know that it’s okay, for most, to ask about how they are doing now and how you can pray for them today. I thankfully am not crying every day, am no longer set to a default depressed mood when I wake up, and I do feel very blessed by God right now in my life. I like so many who have lost loved ones at any age still need your prayers and understanding. I want to encourage you to meet mothers who have lost babies where they are–to do so you have to ask them about where they are and see if now is a good time for them to share with you. Obviously, it’s up to the individual person how much they want to share with you about their current or past dealings with suffering. My few experiences in this area give me the sense that a lot of people feel uncomfortable asking about the suffering in their friend’s lives and their friends probably have more to share than what’s been told. Please note, this is my experience and just an opinion. What I am saying will have a different perspective than another woman who has lost a baby.

The reason I started reading Molly Piper’s blog this morning was because of this post about how to grieve with and try to understand someone else’ loss. This is an area that I need to improve on so much in my life. This world is obviously not perfect. There is pain and suffering and I am reminded today that we need to come alongside each other and empathize as the body of Christ. I need to continually work on how I show love and understanding to those around me who are experiencing any type of suffering.

This is why I feel challenged today. I also feel challenged in light of my husband’s recent ordination. He is officially a Reverend and that means I am officially a Reverend’s wife. His ordination service was such a great reminder that I need to be a woman of the Word. I need to be walking with God and meditating on Scripture day and night. I know in the coming years (and today) I will need God’s grace and the strength of the Holy Spirit to work and minister with Jacob.

That, friends, is about all I have to say (for now),
Allison G.

When Life Hurts

I can honestly say that I have been blessed not to have experienced many significant losses in my life until these last few weeks.  Yes, I was sad when my great-grandmothers and my husband’s grandfather passed away, but they had long lives devoted to God and it was a celebration just as much as a mourning when they passed into glory.

On November 6, 2010 Jacob and I found out that we were pregnant.  We had not been trying and it seemed that God had decided now was the time for it to happen.  We were absolutely shocked but so excited for the future.  We told a small number of friends and immediate family but wanted to wait until after the first trimester to really spread the news.  That was a decision which I am now very grateful for.  My doctor scheduled me for an ultrasound on November 23 when I was just over 8 weeks.  I knew there were higher risks of miscarriage in the first trimester so the threat was definitely on my mind, but I hadn’t experienced any cramps or bleeding so I hoped that I was safe.

Shortly after the ultrasound started the nurse asked me why it had been scheduled and then how old I was.  These may seem like innocent questions but they came out with tension in her voice.  She soon turned the screen our way and explained that the sac was sitting too low, it was too small, the baby looked to be about 7 weeks along and it didn’t have a heartbeat.  After a few seconds she turned the screen back to her.  Her words hit us like a brick.  I thought “Surely there’s a mistake! Maybe it’s too soon?”  After meeting with the doctor who reviewed our ultrasound pictures he said the same thing and declared it to be an almost conclusive miscarriage.  Still, the pregnancy hadn’t passed so I was left to wonder when it would.  I prayed that God would either make it come quickly or deliver a miracle to our baby.  It was only the next day when I did start experiencing miscarriage symptoms and the following days confirmed that the pregnancy was lost and that it had passed.  Passing the pregnancy was a real slap in the face because not only are you hurting emotionally, the physical pain accompanying the miscarriage was terrible and the worst cramps I’ve ever experienced.  I have a friend who’s had both a miscarriage and had a baby who compares her miscarriage pain to what she felt when she went into labor, so I guess if I am able to carry a pregnancy to term in the future I’ll recognize the contractions.

I can’t quite explain the depressed feeling that overcomes you when you know something was alive, now it’s dead, and it’s still inside of you.  Jacob and I always thought of our pregnancy as a tiny baby growing inside my body from the day we found out.  There was an immediate sense of great love and care for this child.  When I miscarried, I wasn’t mourning the loss of a fetus or some tissue–I was mourning the loss of a child I never knew.  Life seems so unfair sometimes.  I don’t know why God allowed us to be pregnant only to take it away a few short weeks later.  Miscarriages happen in 1 in every 4 or 5 pregnancies so I know that I am not alone and many in my church can relate.  Still, the personal pain is deep and the loss feels tremendous.  Unending tears don’t seem to be enough to heal the wounds but I hope that time and prayer will.  At this point in life I don’t have a fear that Jacob and I won’t ever be able to have children but I will always remember the loss of our first.

We did not find out the gender of our baby so we’ve decided to give it a gender-neutral name, Jo.  I know the boy spelling would be “Joe” but I don’t care about that detail.  “Jo” or “Joseph” is actually a family name on the Gerber side.  It’s the middle name of both of Jo’s Gerber grandparents and uncle.  I also hope to come up with something tangible to remember Jo by.  I asked for the ultrasound pictures of him/her at one of my follow-up appointments and I know someday I will be able to look at this darling baby and be grateful to God for the life that he created and the person that he called to be with him just 8 weeks into their little existence.  I can’t wait to meet him/her someday.

If there’s anything I can say I’ve learned from this experience it’s that all life is precious and beautiful, even when it’s just the size of a kidney bean.

Psalm 139:13-18

¹³For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. ¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. ¹⁷How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! ¹⁸ If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Romans 8:28-39

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Passing Memories

I went for a long, 14 mi. bike ride this week on my day off. I left from my parent’s house (70th and Van Dorn), using their good bike and equipment, and took a street/bike path route from there to the Capitol building. I love riding past the areas of Lincoln that represent such a large majority of my childhood memories.

The real nostalgia starts at Antelope Park, or as I lovingly called it growing up, Canteloupe Park (close enough, right?). Does anyone else remember the awesome playground equipment they had before everything became plastic? I still miss the classic troll bridge that you might not be able to safely cross because of the lingering ogres underneath. Or there was the incredibly tall metal slide that got so hot from the sun your bottom felt like it was on fire by the time you landed on the sand. Of course to get all the way up to that tall slide required rope climbing, steps, and all sorts of other fun things. I think they also used to have large rectangular planks that were elevated in the middle so they could rock in any direction allowing you to practice your Midwestern surfing skills. Now that’s a playground.

After crossing A St. I rode past the Children’s Zoo. They don’t let you see much from the bike path but the camels and ponies were enough to trigger all sorts of thoughts. My mom took my sister and I to the zoo all the time growing up. She’d throw us in the burly and bike us there just about every day. In 4th grade I started a program called Zoo Crew. You pay the zoo so they can teach you a few things about handling animals but most of the summer is spent leading the pony rides in the blazing heat. Not as bad as detasseling, but certainly up there (need I remind you that you pay the zoo for this form of torture, hence a really good deal for them).

On my return route I passed The Sunken Gardens and the fountains at the corner of 27th and Normal. We would regularly wade in the fountain and walk through the gardens. We used to be close to a family that lived in the neighborhood just South of the gardens. It’s such a lovely area.

As I neared the end of my ride I went past Holmes Lake. It’s more a part of my high school memories. I often jogged or biked around the lake in search of serenity. Quite often I found it. There is something so peaceful about the contrast of water and land with the wind blowing and birds chirping. Whether I had my bible or a good book with me, or just my thoughts, I always enjoyed my alone time with God and nature.

Going past all these spots makes me so thankful for the life God has blessed me with, the mother I was given, and the wonderful places in Lincoln that we visited growing up. Whether I’m in Lincoln or not when Jacob and I have little ones I hope that I can throw them in a burly and bike to places full of all sorts of adventure every day.

Allison G.

I should be thrilled, but it’ll take some getting used to.

Jacob grilling the inaugural hamburgers.

Jacob has decided to cook–grill, to be precise.  We got our first grill on Saturday in preparation for the holiday weekend.  He watched and helped me marinate chicken and prep burgers on Saturday and Sunday.  Then yesterday, he did the chicken and burger prep and grilling all by himself when we had some friends over for dinner.  Everything turned out great and he is already finessing his grilling skills.

Here’s my dilemma: I have always cooked for Jacob and myself and he has always done the dishes.  We’re both very happy with this setup.  When I moved to Alabama, I found cooking and baking to be a really good way for me to de-stress because it was something I could be creative with and control.  I couldn’t control my new marriage, new apartment, new church, new friends, or new job.  I was comforted by the fact that I could control what we were eating and I took pride in that.  My family has always had a big emphasis on food in the preparation, materials used, and presentation.  One night when we tried to have Jacob do dinner using a Hamburger Helper box I wasn’t able to keep myself out of the kitchen and soon took over the situation.  I couldn’t stand back while something was stirred, measured, or heated wrongly (I don’t remember exactly what the problems were.  But we both remember not thinking kindly on the event.)  We crossed out that recipe in the book my kind sister had made for me.  She had typed “1 box of Hamburger Helper” and below that “Jacob.”  He wrote “BAD!” next to it and we have not attempted it again.

So last night, I’m happy to say that I didn’t hover over Jacob during his hamburger and chicken preparation and it felt mostly okay.  I’m not terribly confident that he will always being interested in the preparation aspect (after he finished the chicken marinade he said, “That was hard!”) but I do think he will always be great at grilling and desire to do so.  Here’s to giving up a little more control in my life!

Allison G.

Is this song about God or your girlfriend?

Sometimes I wonder what our Christian singers/writers are thinking when you can’t tell if the song is more about a boyfriend/girlfriend or is referencing and praising God/Christ, a deity (and so much more).  I should be able to tell by the text, right?

I am definitely not opposed to new and contemporary music but I hope that our compositions in the 21st century will still be recognizable as church music and not love songs.  I think it’s great when hymns get updated and arranged to contemporary music (e.g. RUF Hymnbook).  If you’re a composer and can’t come up with in-depth, theological, rich text, please just open up your bible to the Psalms or your hymnal.  I’d recommend the Trinity Hymnal.  Jacob gave one to me as a Christmas present a few years ago.  Yes, I was laughed at in my Hymnody class at Moody when I told the class during my presentation that I requested it for Christmas.  (Red, blushing cheeks were present).

Okay, back to the text issue.  Below are a few songs that I would say could be sung by anyone to their significant other and would be completely applicable.  Notice the lack of the names of God or Jesus Christ.  There are a lot of names out there, friends.  We should use them as clear identification of who we’re singing about.  Really.  The grammatical reality is that “you” is not supposed to be capitalized when referring to God/Jesus. Hence, I don’t consider capitalization of “You,” “Your,” or  “You’re” as ample evidence of God in the text.  Below are a few songs from a top 20 list on a Christian radio station (that shall not be named).  It was not hard to find lyrics that fit the “girlfriend” characteristics.

Matt Maher – Hold Us Together
From the album Alive Again

It don’t have a job, don’t pay your bills
Won’t buy you a home in Beverly Hills
Won’t fix your life in five easy steps
Ain’t the law of the land or the government?
But it’s all you need

And love will hold us together
Make us a shelter to weather the storm
And I’ll be my brother’s keeper
So the whole world would know that we’re not alone

It’s waiting for you knocking at your door
In the moment of truth when your heart hits the floor
And you’re on your knees

And love will hold us together
Make us a shelter to weather the storm
And I’ll be my brother’s keeper
So the whole world would know that we’re not alone

This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
‘Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright

This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
‘Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright

Love will hold us together
Make us a shelter to weather the storm
And I’ll be my brother’s keeper
So the whole world would know that we’re not alone

NEED TO BREATHE – Something Beautiful
From the album The Outsiders

I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
I can’t figure out
No, I can’t figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe When your wave crashes over me
There’s only one way to figure out Will you let me drown Will you let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I’m in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side
No I can’t leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want
Something beautiful to touch me
I know that I’m in reach
I am down on my knees
And waiting for
Something beautiful

Matt Brouwer – Sometimes
From the album Where’s Our Revolution

Sometimes I’m afraid of what I might not get to say Sometimes I believe that everything is what it seems And we’re just too scared to try Do we have what it takes when hope and clarity melt away To rise above our mistakes If we don’t know any other way And we’re just too scared to try

When it feels like there is nothing left It feels like this is as good as it gets It feels that way sometimes So let’s take a second and catch our breath And realize this isn’t over yet It just feels that way sometimes

Sometimes there can be so much more beyond what we see Sometimes I’m amazed how we see the world in different ways And were just too scared to try

When it feels like there is nothing left It feels like this is as good as it gets It feels that way sometimes So let’s take a second and catch our breath And realize this isn’t over yet It just feels that way sometimes

Meredith Andrews – Can Anybody Hear Me
From the album As Long As It Takes

I’m staring at these empty walls
Wondering when You’ll visit me again
When will You come?
If there is anything at all
Coming in between our love
Please show me, ‘cuz I am barely hanging on

Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love

Believing what I can’t see
Has never come naturally to me
And I’ve got questions
But I am certain of a Love
Strong enough to hold me when I’m doubting You’ll never let go of my hand

I will trust in You, even in the moments I can’t find you, and I will hold on to Your promises of love You’ve never failed before

I know You can hear me
When the silence is deafening
Even though You seem far away
And I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love

Introducing Zeke / What the…?

On Wednesday my mom stopped by to watch Modern Family. She brought along her 90 lb. golden retriever, Zeke, for the first time since we’ve had our kittens. Our kittens, Ron and Louie, are 7 months old now so they can hold their own, but they were quite alarmed and confused by Zeke’s sudden and unexpected arrival.

Strategy: Jacob and I would each hold a cat and Zeke would come in a few feet and we would all stop stare, and smell.
Reality: The kittens did not want to stay in our arms but wanted to get very far away. Louie was the first to hiss at the sight of Zeke and Ron was the first to jump out of my arms, leaving a nice scratch on one hand. Zeke did behave when he was told to sit and stay. The kittens were too curious to completely run for cover so they both stayed a good five feet away in a crouched position for quite awhile.
We all were fairly stationary while watching Modern Family so no one would get upset. Ron chose to perch atop the couch while Louie opted for the cover of the jungle gym (see below).

Results: Ron and Louie don’t like Zeke but as long as he was sitting still they tolerated him. I think if they spent a lot of controlled and calm time together they might get along. I’ve seen how Zeke chases Romeo (my parent’s cat) around their house so I’m not too optimistic about the bond.

Here are a few images that were captured during the excitement-

Everyone felt a little tense.

Ron was alarmed that Zeke looked at him.

Louie didn't care for contact either.

Ready to fight. Notice the fierce arching of the back.

Zeke just wanted to play.

The Mind of a Mother

My Beautiful Mother

Yesterday, as we all know, was Mother’s Day.  It’s a wonderful day to thank and show appreciation for your mom.  My mother was having a blast with my sister in Chicago so I had to express my appreciation via the phone and a gift and card last week.  We were able to spend the weekend/day with my in-laws in Hastings and had a great time so I sincerely hope that Becky felt loved.

The older I get the more I realize how much mothers do for their children. (I know I’m not that old and I don’t know that much about being a mother–I just have kittens who I call my children.)  As a child and a teen, I didn’t realize the thousands of ways that my mother sacrificed her time and energy for me and my sister.  I have strong opinions and I have no doubt my mother does as well, but I cannot think of a single time that she “blew up” at me or let me know what she was really thinking in all those moments that I was not showing her the respect she deserved.  I do not anticipate being a mother for a few years, but I will be asking my mother and mother-in-law for LOTS of advice about how to care for and love my children.  They did a great job with their children (if I do say so myself).

Thank you to all moms out there who have laid down their life for their children.  They may not thank you every day for it, especially in the younger years, but your hard work is so important and they will recognize it eventually.

I love you, Mom!

Allison G.

Marriage and the Movies

Here are the basic things I’d like to state:

I am a Christian.  I am married.  I have been married 1 year and 4.5 months.  I value the sanctity of marriage.  I do not believe in divorce.  My vows I made at the altar were before God, my husband, family, and friends and I will continue to uphold them.  I do believe that marriage can be difficult and strenuous.  People will change and the relationship dynamics do as well.  Here’s where I’m headed:

I recently saw two movies that, in my opinion, featured and supported characters who completely disregarded the sanctity of marriage and the commitments they made to their spouse.

He’s Just Not That Into You
This was a good movie.  It was funny.  It had a lot of truths in it about relationships and dating difficulties.  The parts I could not stand were the scenes featuring Scarlett Johansson and Bradley Cooper.  Bradly played a married man who had been with his wife since college. He blamed his infidelities on “not being ready for marriage” and “we’re different people now”.  Scarlett’s character knew he was married but thought that she was “the one” and he obviously wasn’t supposed to be with his wife.  These perspectives make me so upset.  I love my husband and I think we have a great marriage.  That is not because I was “ready” when we got married.  There are few people that feel “ready” no matter what age you are.  Secondly, yes we do all change through out life.  The idea of marriage is that you change together and love each other through the changes!  The commitment you make is for life.  Scarlett’s character drove me nuts.  She had no regard for the fact that Bradley was married and did everything she could to tempt him away, which she did.  The part I don’t understand at all in that kind of cheating situation is why does she think he’ll behave any differently once he’s with her?  He will still be a cheater and look for someone more exciting when things get dull with her.  Yes, I’m rambling, I know.  Time to move on to movie number two.

Up in the Air
This was also a great movie.  It had some really interesting things to show about our society, the workforce, and the many people who are being fired from their jobs.  I thought it showed a very real perspective of how people suffer when they’re let go.  If you’re familiar with the movie, you’ll know the character I did not adore was Vera Farmiga.  She played a woman who traveled for work frequently and started an on-the-road relationship with George Clooney.  It wasn’t apparent to George or the audience until late into the movie that she had a family and spouse back in Chicago.  George’s character flew to Chicago to express his desire to have a life with her to find her opening the door with a family running around in the background.  She was upset because it could have “really messed things up”.  In my opinion, her flagrant affair is really messing things up.  George is left without anyone in life and we do feel sorry for him but I still find myself very upset with the woman who sees no value in loyalty to the man she married.

I don’t have an answer to help this societal allowance.  I just find myself frustrated that people don’t realize everything they throw away when they cheat on their spouse and get divorced.  I know these are characters in a fictional story but I highly doubt these kinds of stories are uncommon. Hollywood is sending out the message loud and clear that cheating is okay and divorce is okay if it’s what’s best for you.  What a selfish people we’ve become.

Please don’t hesitate to ask me anything if you have questions or want to play devil’s advocate against my perspective.  Sorry to rant for so long.  It’s just because I care so much about marriage and trying to keep it more highly-valued in our culture. The characters mentioned above just discourage me.

Allison G.